


Amanda Brotzman's Black Book

by SleeplessInGeneral



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Dont ask why, F/F, M/M, dont ask why either, friedkin and amanda are best friends, friedkin the wedding planner, let friedkin have a best friend 2kgayteen, mona is a toddler, pure fluff, wedding fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 21:31:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14627421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleeplessInGeneral/pseuds/SleeplessInGeneral
Summary: Following Panto and Silas’ wedding, where Todd and Dirk both caught the bouquets, Amanda took it upon herself to start planning their wedding. In fact, she’s so enthusiastic about the whole thing - she can even tolerate Friedkin correcting her on flower arrangements and color theory (and really, who would’ve thought Friedkin of all people would know all that?!) - that she forgot the most important thing……actually informing the grooms that they’re getting married.(Based on prompts 24, 42 option K, 77/82 and, most importantly, 62, from Brotzlyprompts on tumblr. Prompts listed inside.)





	Amanda Brotzman's Black Book

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts:  
> \- 24: “What’s your all-time favourite song?”  
> “Oh, you really don’t want to know.”  
> (“…it’s Barbie girl isn’t it.” “He used to listen to it on a loop when we were young!” “Goddamnit, Amanda!”)  
> \- 42: What would Dirk do to get Todd to dance at a party? Option K is a thread by me and my best friend (basically just Dirk embarrassing Todd so much that Todd is the one to take Dirk dancing instead to shut him up).  
> \- 77/82: Imagine Dirk and Todd babysitting.  
> \- 62: Imagine the squad going to Panto and Silas’ wedding party. Because neither Panto nor Silas could decide who’d hold the flowers, perhaps because they didn’t want to put labels on their roles in their relationship, they both have a beautiful bouquet each.  
> When they throw these said flowers, a very surprised Todd and Dirk end up holding one bouquet each.
> 
> So... a lot of this comes from inside jokes between me and my best friend, as well as my contact with brotzlyprompts on tumblr. And so, as to not spoil too much to you, enjoy the show!  
> (For the record, the Brotzmans and Friedkin are Jewish. Just some headcanons of mine. I hc Friedkin as aroace and Jewish and has ADHD. So. Do with it what you want.)
> 
> And as always, allons-y!

"Does it hurt that much to fucking breathe, Friedkin?" Amanda winced as Hugo sat down, slower than she thought is humanly possible. "I feel so bad for you now."

"I got stabbed in the chest with scissors, Brotzman. Of course it hurts."

"Weren't you in the army?"

"I was never stabbed in the army. I was in the reserves."

"Fair point."

This fine September day was the day Amanda decided to ask Hugo Friedkin out for coffee. His first response was "thanks but I don't date". His second, after clearance, was "sure, wanna go to the original Starbucks?" His third was "okay, maybe not."

And here they were, at the negotiated Italian place, and things were… awkward, to say the least.

"So… why did you ask me out?" Friedkin opened the menu. "I can read this myself, thank you very much."

"I thought you can't read?"

"No…? I just don't like reading. Things turn… confusing. Like a block of text. It's tiring and boring."

"Well, to answer your question, I asked you out because I need help planning a wedding."

His eyes went wide and he dropped the menu. And Amanda regretted saying that.

And then he let out a squeal (that was probably very painful).

"Why, you've come to the right person then!" Hugo smiled wide. (Yep, Amanda was regretting that decision more and more by the second.) "My mom always said that I should've been a wedding planner instead of going to the army. I was supposed to go to RISD too but-"

"You  _what_  now?!"

"I was supposed to go to Rhode Island School of Design, but-"

"No, I got that perfectly. How- I mean, no offense, but…"

_Give that up, Amanda._

"Never mind. So… I need to plan Todd and Dirk's wedding."

"They're getting  _married_?! Oh my goodness! Congratulations!"

"Yeah… thanks. Anyway-"

They were interrupted by a waitress, ordered their food ("can I get the bolognese with the cheese on the side?" "Of course." "I thought I was the only one who ordered like that…" "well, I keep kosher." "Me too!"), and then Amanda pulled out a black leather-bound notebook and some glitter pens.

"So Panto and Silas got married a couple weeks ago."

"Panto and Silas…?"

"…remember the guy that stabbed you?" Hugo nodded. "They're from the place he came from. Panto has pink hair?"

"Ooh! No, doesn't ring a bell. But the guy who attacked me I do remember."

"So anyway, they both had bouquets. And as per tradition, you know, you gotta throw the bouquet."

"Oh, I know."

"Guess who caught the bouquets."

"…that's so pure."

"Yes it is. So yesterday I talked to them about it and they agreed that they both want to get married, so now I'm planning their wedding. You down?"

"I already told you, you came to the right person. This is going to be so fun!"

* * *

 

' ** _Amanda Brotzman's Black Book_**

**_Co-written by:_ ** _Amanda Brotzman + Hugo Friedkin_

**_Step 1:_ ** _find a location_

_-Wendimoor_

**_Step 2:_ ** _plan out a budget (Wendimoor, budget unnecessary for now)_

**_Step 3:_ ** _'_

"This is pointless." Hugo groaned and started pacing around the room, his dog - a fluffy mutt called Cinnamon - running around him. "We don't have to manage everything in this notebook! It's too much to read and write!"

"We can't wing this, Hugo. This is why we're writing everything down." Amanda was cuddling with the tiny cat - called Butterscotch - and tapping a pen on the notebook.

"Wendimoor?"

"Well, it's only fitting. Believe me."

"For a wedding you need a venue, which we have, clothes, invitees, rings, a minister, would you mind if we got a rabbi?"

"Todd's an atheist. I don't think he'd mind."

"So a minister, food, music, and decorations. The budgets vary but it's all very simple to calculate, really. Depends on how we do this."

"Well, food and venue are in Wendimoor."

"So that's off the list for now. What do you think we should start with? I say we keep flower arrangements and all that for last."

"So guest list?"

"Guest list."

Then the intercom went off. And Amanda went to pick it up.

"Third floor right next to the elevator, Farah!"

"How do you know it's Farah?" Hugo grabbed the notebook and started doodling. "Could be my mom. Or Cheryl."

"If it's Cheryl, why would she need the intercom? And who is she anyway? You haven't told me yet."

"She's my ex."

"You live with your ex, Friedkin?"

"I tried living alone and it didn't work out so I live with my ex. Is that a problem?" Amanda shook her head and Hugo started humming a song. And so they waited.

And then the door buzzed.

"I answered the intercom-"

"But she hates me-"

"But this is your apartment-"

"Fine!"

* * *

 

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Was the first - and possibly only - thing Farah could say when the door was opened by…

Hugo Friedkin.

"Uh, this is my house," he said, looking away. "You've only been invited here because Amanda-"

"Oh my god, puppy!" Tina ran straight into the house and picked up the fluffy dog that was almost glued to Friedkin. "Who's a good puppy? You are! Look at you, you're gorgeous!"

"Her name is Cinnamon."

"Oh, that's even better! I have a weird story about cinnamon-"

"Tina, not now." Three pairs of eyes - Tina's, Friedkin's and that dog's - turned onto Farah. "Amanda, why do we have to work with this guy?"

"Because apparently wedding plans are his thing." Amanda sounded very uncertain. Never a good thing.

"Oh yeah! I've always been told that I should be one! Let me find you some of the things I've thought of…" Friedkin disappeared into the hallway, leaving the girls and dog (and… cat?) alone.

"What are you thinking?!"

"He's a very nice guy, Farah! Leave him alone." Amanda kept petting the… apparently it was a cat. "I know he's done some awful things, but-"

"Would you say the same about-"

"Don't you dare go there, it's not even related to you."

"He's not a good person, Amanda." The dark-haired girl gave Farah a glare that could cut diamonds. "He ran Blackwing!"

"First of all, only by title. Second of all, he's a very nice person. And he talks a lot when you let him, and it's always very nice to hear him talk because it's interesting. Sure, I don't understand most of what he talks about, but he's very excited about it and that's what matters! So shut up, this is his apartment, we're fighting in front of his babies and that is never okay, please respect where you are and what you're doing here just as much as you'd respect any other place and situation. Okay?"

"…what was that?"

"-…so I found the scrapbook where my mom put a lot of my early plannings!" Friedkin came back to the living room, looking particularly happy.

Farah wasn't having it, but she was going to let it pass.

"So… Miss Farah Black, Miss Tina Teventino-"

"He called me miss," Tina snorted.

"Supervisor Hugo Friedkin." A beat. "…Former supervisor Hugo Friedkin."

"Good to see you again too," Farah muttered.

"So… we have a wedding to plan!" Why did that make Friedkin so happy?

"Yeah!" Amanda jumped, making the cat run away, and grabbed a black book. "So, you see-"

"Whose wedding is this, exactly, again?"

* * *

 

"I give up, I can't do this!"

"You raised a little sister!"

"It's not like taking care of a toddler as an adult, Dirk! Fuck, my neck…"

"Not around Mona! That's a coin to the swear jar."

"How long is she going to stay like this?" Todd was  _done_  with babysitting Dirk's friends. Neither of them understood why Mona decided, or didn't exactly decide, to get stuck as a child for the time being, but it was getting very frustrating.

"I have no idea, darling. Hey, Mona? It's dinnertime, come on!" The tiny black-haired toddler waddled her way to Dirk's open arms. "See? It's easy!"

"‘s easy!" Mona parroted happily.

"I promise this is the last night we eat chicken nuggets and boxed mac-n-cheese for dinner, okay darling?" Dirk leaned down to kiss Todd's forehead. "Tomorrow Mona is going to Farah's."

"No!"

"Just for a day, sweetie. A day for dad and papa to be alone for a bit and then we're picking you right back up."

And then there were the  _names_.

"No!"

"Mona Wilder, I don't want to fight you, okay? Tomorrow you're going to Farah's."

" _No!_ "

"…why did I think this is easy?"

"I'll order something after she's asleep."

"Yes, please."

No matter how annoying she was, Todd thought as his eyes shut by themselves, Mona was a pretty cute kid.

Maybe he and Dirk were better at this than he thought they would be.

…and then that thought was cut short when the loud, unmistakable sound of a plastic plate hitting the floor and the screams of toddler Mona Wilder started going off just minutes later.

Todd Brotzman was done with babysitting.

 


End file.
